Many couples, particularly those who have been together for a while, find that the sexual side of their relationship can begin to wane and become a bit stale. Sex for them may become dull or even boring. Even worse, they may totally cease having sex together. Here are some ideas that can help you.
The problem is that in other ways they may have a loving and stable relationship but it just lacks some sexual excitement. And because all humans are in their essence sexual beings, this may cause feelings of guilt and frustration. Couples may simply feel not that attracted to their partner any more, even though they still like sex itself.
The first key to resolving this is to acknowledge that your sexual desire for your partner has diminished.You can’t do something about a problem until you acknowledge it is there!
Secondly, accept that there can be many reasons for this. You are not strange or unusual and it does not mean your marriage is in trouble. In fact, by recognizing this as an issue it shows you are probably prepared to do something about it, which is a good thing.
Some of the reasons for decreased sexual desire are pressures of family, work and lifestyle, lack of time and even hormonal changes. Perhaps one of the most common is familiarity; you know everything about your partner’s body and sexual expression (or think you do!) so it has lost the excitement and novelty value it once had.
Another thing that should be kept in mind is that sexual desire in a marriage or relationship is not a constant thing. You can go through phases of feeling more or less interested in sex. It will very often be due to the external circumstances of your lives at any given time.
Now that you have acknowledged there is a problem what can you do about it? Well a key component to the solution here is to be found in the question: “What was it about our early relationship that made sex so exciting and such fun?” If you think back you will probably find that the answer has in it two key words – ‘priority’ and ‘novelty/newness’. Because you were both learning about each other, you were excited by the novelty of it all. And of course because of that you made it a priority in your lives.
So if you really want to spice up your sex life again, you must find ways to reintroduce priority and novelty into your sexual experience. Try some new things – why not visit a nude beach or naturist club (these are not sexual places but it can’t help but make you feel more aware of your physical bodies), watch an erotic (not pornographic) movie together. And why not even look into swinging, which many couples report does wonders for their sex life.
The most important thing is to recognize that sex in a marriage or relationship really can stay great. You just need to find new ways to keep it alive.