In many relationships there seems to be an imbalance of sexual desire. There are lots of reasons for this. One partner may lose interest over time. External factors such as pressures of work and children may make sex become a lower priority and something that needs to be fitted in around other activities. It is also true that familiarity can cause two people to find that sex becomes mundane.
Unfortunately, it is more common that it is the woman who seems to lose interest first. While this is by no means always the case – and many women complain that their husbands do not give them enough sexual attention – it is a complaint often heard. It also seems rather more acceptable for a woman to lose interest in sex because she can blame it on the ‘hormones’.
But while the external factors mentioned above can play a significant part there are many things that can be done to keep sexual interest alive for both partners in a relationship.
The reality is that interest in sex for a woman usually begins long before getting into the bedroom. In fact a lack of interest in sex is usually a symptom of something else going on in the relationship. For a woman to feel sexual she must feel feminine and in today’s society there are enormous pressures placed upon women to look ‘perfect’. So if a woman feels she is becoming less desirable – in other words is given less attention – then she will often shut down her sex drive as a form of self protection. This is not done consciously of course.
However as sex is very much tied up in self esteem for a woman, if she does not feel as attractive she will lose her interest in sex.
So the first key in dealing with your wife’s interest in sex is to ask yourself how attractive you think SHE thinks she is. Do you think she sees herself in very sexual terms? If not it is your job to get her thinking of herself as attractive and sexy again.
Some of the ways you can do this are:
1. Pay her compliments on how she looks. Tell her she looks sexy and gorgeous. Show her you find her desirable.
2. Make gestures of affection and flirting towards her that again make her feel that you want her. These can include sensual stroking to lightly arouse her, kissing her on the neck, touching her, and more!
3. Explore sexual topics with her. These should not be extreme (to start with anyway!) but again you will be sending her a message that you see her a sexual – and desirable – woman. Maybe talk to her about some of your fantasies (the ones that involve her of course), explore sexual topics, even experiment with erotic situations (such as going for a skinny dip, visiting a nude beach, going to an adult shop to see what they have on offer).
By communicating with your wife that you still see her as a sexual being and that you still find her attractive and desirable, she will become much more interested in expressing that desirability.
Good luck and persevere; remember that you love her and she is worth it.
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